I doubt people understand how I feel about playdates and gatherings that involve children. I am very stressed whenever my kids interact with others in free play or unstructured playdates, especially if it's indoors. My kids, on their own, are manageable if they are in the park or wide open spaces without much of a crowd. But once they are in crowded places or with other kids, they face sensory overload and have great difficulty in self regulation. They find it challenging to control their behaviour and impulses and regulate their emotions and I can't help them much. I find myself feeling ridiculously embarrassed and apologetic as a result. After every gathering, I would be both tired and miserable. I would wish I didn't go. And aft a while, I start to doubt the value of our presence. Why would anyone want us there? Out of courtesy? Out of pity? I hate such self defeating thoughts. Thus, I sometimes just chicken out. Don't go. Nobody has to witness our imperfections and problems.
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