Many of the blogger-mummies and their precious ones were at Auntie Annie's place today. While everyone was capturing moments with pictures and video clips, I was busy grabbing Sophie and buffering her from potential falls and damage (property). It was quite a challenge for me to relax under such circumstances, in fact, I was exhausted by the end of the day... Sophie, on the other hand, was still energetic and playful when her papa came home. She totally enjoyed her interaction with her little friends, even though she must have scratched her face, soaked herself in sweat and hit her head on the floor twice. Well, yes... I did not take my camera out of my bag at all. To compensate, I made mental notes of some interesting interaction patterns I had observed.
I am now convinced that children, regardless of gender and age, NEED to play both alone and with others (peers or caregivers). Playing is also my way of getting Sophie's attention and keeping her close to me, especailly when there are many distractions. At Auntie Annie's playroom, she was trying to grab for toys even though she was not really playing with them. I knew then she was too distracted by all the colours and variety to really play with anything in her hand. So, I grabbed her at the "clinic kiosk" and used a doll and some silly songs to help her focus... it worked for a while anyway.
I also observed that Auntie Annie was very spontaneous and encouraging when Phoebe handed her a piece of play-doh "cookie". She did not just dump the children in the pool of toys, she actually taught Joshua how to play with the pull-along toy. We must be careful not to treat toys (TV included) as "nannies", we must try to play with our children. From there, we can teach them manners and values such as "turns taking", "responsibility" and many more. Playing also helped Ethan to feel more at ease in an unfamiliar place. He was willing to take great risks, moving away from his mummy (even if it was only a few inches), to reach for some toys. We could even "read" children as they play. We all knew that Phoebe (being the oldest one among the children in the room) felt rather bored and left out at one point.
Another observation has to do with our way of talking to our children and others when they are around. Sometimes, we forget that our children are little people who need to be treated with respect. I like how Auntie Annie responded when Phoebe tried to interrupt our conversation in the kitchen. She basically gave Phoebe immediate attention, telling her "mummy heard you... wait...", then she reminded her about a previously established house rule (do not interrupt someone else's conversation) and attended to her needs after we ended our conversation. I think it is very important for children to know we "hear" their voices.
On the other hand, we should not assume our children cannot "hear" or understand us as well. We tend to talk as if they are not there... Sometimes, Ah Mah would tell me something about Sophie in Mandarin (in front of Sophie); as though she can hear or understand Teochew and English but not Mandarin. Duh? I would always laugh at my mum's silliness. Our children are very sensitive to our voice, they can pick up the emotion behind what we said and interpret the meaning (not always accurate though).
To be cont'd...
As I was saying, watching Sophie interact with her peers and other adults can be rather enlightening, if not entertaining at times. I found myself overly protective and that can limit her exploration and learning. There were pockets of moments when I let Sophie go (very difficult for me) and got rewarded with the chance to observe her behaviour and gain a better understanding of her. Recently, I read that it is beneficial for us to set time aside each day just to observe our children on their own. I guess we tend to be caught in the moment sometimes and fail to see certain behaviours or traits, so some quiet moments with our children allow us to notice them and their budding personality.
Once, I thought that Sophie was falling so I held on to her and she started struggling (typical behaviour). Out of habitual response, I held on tighter and of course, she protested even more. I complied (cursing and swearing in my head as I felt embarrassed by her behaviour) when Auntie Annie told me to let Sophie play. Sophie was immediately cheerful again, crawling everywhere and grabbing toys in her way. Although I have seen her like that before, I only realised then that ALL she really wanted was to play and I was actually the cause of her frustration and "misbehaviour".
So I guess many people will think I am either too idealistic or simply riding on my SAHM status. Well, I never think the role of a parent is easy, in fact, it is the most difficult challenge I have ever encountered and there is no U-turn to bail myself out. It is probably a good idea to establish a support group and I know I am covered because the blogger-mummies support group is a great source of support and encouragement.
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