Last Lap

Alfee is currently 3.2 kg and ready to see the world next Wednesday. This time, we made a few changes to our birth and confinement plan. We booked a better hospital room and we intend to establish breastfeeding before we discharge. I am leaving the household chores and cooking to my domestic helper so even if my parents are around, they would be overworked. Although we still refuse to engage a confinement nanny, I believe I am definitely more experienced now to cope with a newborn. Also, we are equipped with better facilities now with changing tables, baby bouncer and gym mat. This time, I have made mental rehearsal of how things ought to be done, including Sophie in the process. I have not packed my hospital bag but the things are all put in the baby cot bed already.

My second pregnancy has been a difficult journey for me, partly because I have Sophie to attend to at the same time. I feel a little guilty that I have not been spending enough time or energy bonding with Alfee, compared to when I had Sophie. I was constantly bombarded with love hormones while I had Sophie, but I am always worried, tired and uptight nowadays. I have been very careful with my food intake as well so poor Alfee has not been enjoying much food. I also give Sophie a lot of attention and shower her with gifts to show that my love for her will only grow with the arrival of a new baby.

Suddenly, I feel very vulnerable and inadequate as a mother. I am not sure if I can provide Alfee with the same (or better) kind of quality care and education I have given Sophie. I am also not confident that Sophie will be getting enough of my attention and time once Alfee is born. I want to continue her home learning but I have not been very fruitful with my attempts. I got angry easily and my energy depleted even more easily. Things have not been moving much or smoothly at all. Sophie talks a lot more now but she has little interest for actual reading and her Chinese is still very amateurish. Maths is a problem as well. And she still does not want to start writing. I know she is only 2 years 8 months old but I want to start earlier before it is too late.