By this time tomorrow, I will have Alfee in my arms. I am saying this with a heavy heart though because I am very nervous about the entire procedure and the coming week. Perhaps, I am not being very fair to Alfee because the bulk of my worries is how Sophie copes with my absence and his arrival. Having said that, I do anticipate Alfee's arrival with great joy and excitement. A new baby! My son! I will very soon be a mother of two beautiful children. No matter how much Sophie drives me up the wall, she is a beautiful little girl with a very innocent heart. She is always cheerful and enthusiastic to experience life and explore the world around her. I hope Alfee will also share her passion and sense of adventure. Certainly, I will raise them to be good companions to each other, keeping sibling rivalry to the minimum. After all, I never really enjoyed my childhood with my brother and sister and that is my lifelong regret.
Recently, I sang Sophie to sleep with "Rock-A-Bye-Baby". I came to realise how much she wants me to revert back to our old ways - I always sang to her when she was an infant in my arms. She must have missed that a lot but she does not know how to tell me. As she grew older, our expectations and the way we treat her change dramatically. We smile, sing and chat less to her. Instead, we frown, scold and reason with her more. We also spend more time on explicit learning and cut down on playing (just for the sake of playing) time. To her, I must have lost my sense of humour. She would stroke my forehead gently as I lay beside her at night, attempting to smoothen my frown. "Why are you angry?", "I don't want to make you angry.","I want to make you happy!" she would often say.
I feel sorry for her. I am not particular patient with children and she has to bear all my wrath and idiosyncrasies. I will haveto bear that in mind as I manage her from now on. After all, as mentioned by her principal, she is still "emotionally little" and I need to be "lovingly firm" with her. She is my precious baby (always will be) and I love her so much.
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