I did not choose to be a SAHM, in fact, I tried very hard to go back to the workforce after Sophie was 3 months old. I put her in a highly reputable infant care (full day) and went ahead to complete my practicum (MSoc in Counselling) in a primary school. I had hoped (almost prayed) that she would get used to the environment and I could once again be a contributing tax payer... Despite the horror stories we heard from everyone I spoke to, and I do mean EVERYONE, I trusted that Sophie would be fine. After all, we did burn a huge hole in our pocket and hey, surely it would be better than angry, deranged maids or overindulgent grandparents... right?
Well, what can I say? We were wrong... Nobody at any infant care could provide Sophie the kind care she needed. She is too sensitive and vulnerable to infection... she also needed a lot of stimulation and interaction. In retrospect, Sophie is far too active and "accident-prone " for infant care. Her doctor recommended one-to-one care for her which meant that I could either get a maid or babysitter... or do the job myself. I thought to myself... for a miserable $3k a month, I had to put Sophie through all that? By the time I pay the infant care, maid or babysitter... and medical bills... I would have not much money left anyway.
Thus, I made the painful decision to give up my job, autonomy, and spending power. It is not easy because I have to humble myself and convert all my intellect into "googoo-gaga". Many of my working friends envy my position, but a willing SAHM I am not. Life at home with Sophie can be boring, frustrating and downright painful (especially when she exercise her kicking spree on me). I do admit, however, that I get to witness each and every milestone Sophie reaches and the blunders she makes. So, do not ever get me wrong... I am not angry with Sophie or anything. And I do not have any regrets... well, maybe just the decision to put her in that infant care in the first place...
In short, becoming a SAHM is "BITTERsweet" really - comes first the big, capital amount of bitterness; then slowly, but surely, sweetness arrives.
Not that I am also a SAHM, I brat about it. It's the best job ever, even though sometimes I also do feel the frustration staying at home with all my talent and my ability to contribute to the society being embedded under the roof. But truely, we get to witness the growth which it will never U-turn back ever for us again. And I strongly believe that the 1st 7 years of a child's life is the most important foundation. It's either break it or make it. We should provide the best we can, and help them to reach their potential and be involved in their growth if possible. Money can be earned anytime, but not the moments we have with our kiddos, and the teaching and learning that help them to be their best in their early years. Enjoy our time with them cos' they grow up fast. We want to look back with no regrets. I am prepared to be SAHM for as long as possible, and get into workforce when I am ready. Even if there is job opening, I don't think I will want to work full time also, and work from home will be the best.
ReplyDeleteThe bottom line is Sophie's mummy, you have made the right choice. Enjoy the time with Sophie when you can :)
ReplyDeletei hv stayed at hm for 2 yrs already, or slightly more than that,since my pregnancy. Every day, every moment, i m there for joshua, no regrets as we hv developed a close bond which money can't buy or not even replace by pappy (pappy is jealous...)
ReplyDeleteMention the word 'frustration', of course! a lot in fact... but at the end of the day when u look at our little ones, u know that what u hv done for them now is all worth our effort & time...
dunno leh... somehow, I still dun have that kind of motherly instinct and I dun really enjoy being a SAHM. As for the first 7 yrs of foundation, well... I am not confident that I would do a good job anyway... And the more "bonded" she is to me now, the more I worry that she would become needy and reliant on me in the future...
ReplyDeleteagree with Joshua's mommy, the bond you have with your kiddo. Sophie's mummy, the bond creates "love", and I don't think it will make her needy or reliant on you. She will feel the power of love, and will learn to love though you, which is important. Have faith in yourself, you will do a great job in being the best mum to Sophie. Don't stress yourself too much, and no first time mum will say that they can do a good job. So be proud of yourself for your sacrifice to Sophie, and as what kk said it's all worth while when you look back...
ReplyDeleteI'm a working mum and feels guilty at times when i'm not at home with my kids. But like what u feel, i might not be good enough to stimulate them or guide them. We are all unique in one way or another, think positive and try ur best. As long as u tried ur best and whole-heartedly, i'm sure Sophie will be a blessed child. I give my best at work while at home, i give my best to them.
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