Permission To Play

D is a pretty domineering character in Sophie's class. This morning, I overheard Sophie asking her for permission to play with their mutual friends, T and J. Naturally I was annoyed, but I couldn't interfere with their social interaction. So, I took Sophie aside and asked her about it much later. Apparently, their mutual friends are D's best friends (used to be hers), so D doesn't want Sophie to play with them. Sophie would have to ask D for permission whenever she wanted to play with them and obviously, D never really gave her the permission. She would say 'later' or 'if...' and forget all about it. Sophie, whose memory is also very short and selective, also forgot about it and played with T and J anyway.

For a moment, I struggled with the dilemma - should I intervene? Could I, please (sounds more like it!) Should I tell Sophie to stop being such a wimp and go ahead whenever she feels like playing with their mutual friends? Should I marched to D and give her my super glare and warn her to keep her power hungry paws from my naive and socially needy daughter? Maybe I could even complain to the parents of T and J? Let the school know that a budding bully is in the house! 

Perhaps I should celebrate Sophie's empathy to D's need to feel secure? She probably knows D has no power over her friends yet she still play along and ask for her permission. In a way, she diffuses any potential tension and that might be a better way to deal with D in the long run. Sophie doesn't see herself as submissive or bullied at all. She still very much wants to befriend D (for whatever the reason) and she doesn't seem to mind playing a submissive role. Now that's very interesting because we thought she wants to be the leader or in the limelight all the time. 

Me : ... you know, you don't have to befriend people who are not kind to you...

Sophie : No... I want to be D's friend...

Me: ... But why? She's not very nice to you...

Sophie: BUT Ms Denise says we MUST all be friends and play together!!!

Her blind faith towards the goodness of mankind is so wonderfully innocent and admirable. Ms Clarissa told me that Sophie has the amazing ability to 'open up' any shy child. If there's anyone who is new or too shy to make friends, she would ask Sophie to work her magic on them. She's really 'sweet' towards them and she watches over them like a big sister. I'm so beaming with pride when I heard that. Yet I also feel very sad for her. These children whom she has helped, never really become her good friends. They blossomed and drifted away to form new friendship with others. And my poor Sophie would be on her new mission to mentor others. When would she have her own best friend? Someone whom she can trust and share everything with? Someone who will love and defend her in times of need? 

I feel so strongly because I was like her and it pains me to know that she will have lots of disappointments and heartaches as she grows older. I never found my 'best' friend. And I pray that Sophie will one day find hers.